Self-Examination

Betrayal is kind of a big thing. It normally isn't something you just jump into. I can't imagine a husband just waking up one morning and saying, "I think I'll cheat on my wife today." I highly doubt that Benedict Arnold had a sudden revelation of, "I'm gonna switch sides, that's the ticket." These things happen over time, they are the culmination of a series of small decisions, small choices, ones that may seem insignificant at the time. Which decisions like this am I making?

If I was going to turn my back on my country, it might start with disagreeing with government decisions or regretting paying taxes or doubting the abilities of our leaders. Uh oh. If I was going to cheat on my wife (WHICH I'M NOT), it might start with fantasies about celebrities, looking too long at other women in real life or having intimate conversations with other ladies.

When do we check ourselves? When do we look at our lives and see what tiny choices are leading us in the wrong direction?

During the Last Supper, Jesus told the disciples that he would be betrayed by one of them. The guys got a little nervous. They started checking themselves and their hearts. They asked Jesus if they would be the one.

Here's the point...

Some of us will cheat on our wives. If I want to uphold the promise I've made not to, I've got to check myself and see where I'm messing up. If I just blindly say, "Nope, I'm good, nothing to worry about here," I've already lost.

All of us are in bondage in one way or another, we're not free. If I want to experience life the way God intended, I've got to check myself and see where I'm not free. If I just blindly say, "Of course I'm free, nobody can tell me what to do," I've already lost.

Some of us

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

My wife has a decision to make. We discussed it thoroughly last night. We made a Pros and Cons list. We prayed about it. We stressed about it. We think we've come down on one side of the choice. We also think that in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter.

She'll still learn and grow no matter what she is faced with. She'll still build relationships and be intentional with them, regardless of who her coworkers are. Her life will still be about following Jesus and discipling others, no matter where she works.

That's the only decision that really matters, the rest is just details.

Like Esther, she was made for a time such as this.

(The place can go either way.)

Waffle

I had a great lunch yesterday that included some lively discussion and a tasty belgium waffle. That has noting to do with this post...or does it?

"How long will you waver between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him." - Elijah on Mt. Carmel

From the top of Mt. Carmel you can see the entire valley spread out before you. On a clear day, like the one I was there, if you squint you can even see the Mediterranean sea. There is no doubt that in Elijah's day many people spent every moment of their entire lives in the area that you can see from this peak. Their entire lives is exactly what Elijah was talking about.

The people of Israel liked to waffle. They would follow the Lord when it suited them, when they were greatly in need, when they had no hope. They would follow Baal when it suited them, when they were unhappy, when they wanted to fit in or go their own way. Elijah had had enough.

Imagine what he would say to us. Waffling can be a weekly or daily event in many of our lives. We wake up in the morning and whisper a prayer asking God to be with us throughout the day, but by 2:30 we've done everything in our power to forget about him or drive him away except actually tell him to get lost. We go to church on Sunday morning and sing and listen and contemplate what implications God's word has on our lives and forget about all of it until next time. We love our neighbor when we like our neighbor. We despise them when they get on our nerves. We're not sitting on any fences, we're hopping back and forth over them like jumping rope.

ENOUGH. Elijah's cry for a decision still rings true today. We can't do both, yet way too many of us think we can. It's time decide.

"How long will you waver between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him; but if you are God, do whatever the heck you want."

The Me Report (pt. 1)

One of the best gifts I’ve ever received included a reproduction of an assignment I completed when I was 11 years old. It was called “The Me Report” and closely resembled one of those internet forwards where you fill in the blanks about yourself and then send it to 20 of your closest friends or else you’ll break your leg or lose $50 or some other such nonsense. Anyway, according to this report, I loved penguins and skateboarding and planned on becoming an orthopedic surgeon. (Not bad for 5th grade, huh?) I know a minister who has something similar in his office - only he filled out his when he was 6 and even then he knew he wanted to be a minister. If only things were so neatly laid out for all of us, right?

When I was in high-school I did all the things you are supposed to do when deciding what you should do with your life. I talked to guidance counselors and took the skills tests they recommended. I interviewed professionals and did internships on the job. From many peoples’ point of view, it would seem that all this effort was put to good use. I graduated from Messiah College with a dual degree in Electrical and Computer Engineering and landed what many would see as the perfect job working for a defense contractor in Virginia.

I had a great job, a nice car and a house before some of my friends were even done with school. And I was happy, at least at first. At the end of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (The real one, not the one with Johnny Depp.), Wonka asks and answers, “Do you know what happened to the boy who got everything he ever wanted? - He lived happily ever after.” While I wouldn’t say I had everything I ever wanted, it was fair to say I had quite a bit. You might think that would make the happiness last for quite a while, but you’d be wrong.

In time I started to realize that while I liked what I was doing and while I was good at what I did, it wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing. There was more for me out there, I was wasting my life doing something that only seemed really important.

Meanwhile, I realized that I had been interviewing some other professionals and doing some unofficial internships with the ministers at Antioch Christian Church. There, I met Paul and Dave, two ministers who were in their own ways a lot more like me than any ministers I had met before. What’s more, they took the time to get to know me as a person, to build a relationship with me and show me what its really like to live in the ministry. The more I got to know them, the more I knew what had been true all along - God did have a different calling for me.

What may seem like a big decision became no decision at all. I knew what I had to do, it was just a matter of diving in and not looking back. So, I resigned, put up the for sale sign and headed to Cincinnati, CCU and the next step in the journey that God had known all along.

Click Here for Part 2.

Peter swam across the water and found it on the beach

Everything that had gone on the last few days had taken me to the lowest place I'd ever been. My heart was shattered and my spirit was crushed. Sure I'd had disappointments before in my life, but this was something else entirely. This was a continuous state of torture, a constant gnawing at the pit of my soul. I needed something that I could relate to something familiar, so I rounded up my brother Andrew and our friends James and John to head back out on the Sea of Galilee, back to the life that was all I knew for so many years. But in those few short years that I spent away from fishing, so much had happened. My life had changed and now that was all gone, nailed to a tree and buried forever. And here I was, left on the outside. The last time I'd spoken to him he had corrected me (yet again) and the last time I'd looked him in the eye... he looked at me with love and sadness - not because of what he was experiencing or because he was disappointed in me - but because he understood the anguish I was experiencing. He had every right to be angry or to be ashamed, I had just denied that I even knew this man who had done so very much for me, but there was none of that - just love. But from there they took him and as I ran away, he stood firm as they beat him, mocked him, humiliated him and killed him. He was gone and all the words I wanted to say, needed to say, were locked inside my heart. I would never get the chance to see him again, to tell him I was sorry to feebly try to make things right. So, here I am, back in my old life, out on the water early this morning trying once again to eke out a living . Well, it seems I'm not the only one who's head is in a different place. John isn't even paying attention to what we're doing - he's just staring at the shoreline, wishing for some hope. These nets seem way too heavy today. Why won't John pay attention, we could use the help over here. What's he looking at anyway, its just the shore, you can't see anything from way out here. "Try the other side," the distant voice echoes from the shore. As though in a trance we all drug up the empty net and dropped it joylessly on the other side of the boat. How could we hear that voice from the shore anyway? That's way too far. Wait, this net is heavy - too heavy!
Did John see something on the shore?
Why can't we pull in this net?
James, pull your share!
Can John really see something on the shore?
Oh...
I think its a person.
The hairs at the base of the back of my neck stand up and then those above follow, sending a shiver up and down my spine like dominoes falling in reverse. Before I know it, I'm standing along with the hairs on my arms.
Is it?
Oh my...
It can't be!
It is!
Oh, My God!
Suddenly the shore doesn't seem so far. I can only see one thing, it consumes my vision and nothing will keep me away. I'm coming, Lord. I'm coming, friend. I'm coming...